even when you lied  i ignored each and every flaw in your system and you continued to be a source of my happiness

but then i remembered–  i don't go out in the sun because it's bad for me
how pathetic i was so scared to lose you that i lost myself instead
and i failed to remember– even if you brought me so much joy  you brought out the worst in me

i broke the hearts
of the people who love me the most
just because
i loved you
too easily

when the sun goes down  is when it becomes worse
i ask myself
was it worth it at all?
it hit me what if you weren't actually my sunshine? and  you were the moon all along?
like what juliet said: don't swear by the moon.  the moon is always changing.

i would be lying
if i said i wouldn't miss you
and it frustrates me that
i will never know
 if you felt the same way

 if you cared about me
as much as i cared about you
and if you loved me
as deeply as i loved you
you should've let me know
words are just words

now i…

everything stays

i came to a realization that the person i was two years ago  is very different from the person i am today.


bittersweet fifteen. i finally feel like it.

to my eighteen year old self

dear eighteen year old ataska,

"not like other girls"

a tale on how gender stereotypes ruin the world.

let it go

here's something really cheesy that i wrote before the end of 2015:

there are no perfect years. every year of my life,
i experience: sad memories, happy memories, bad memories, good memories, embarrassing memories that will last forever, and wonderful, wonderful memories that will last forever.

each year i would say "wow. this has been the best year of my life!"
but frankly, those words weren't true at all. 2011-2014 feels like yesterday. there were such great memories, but they weren't the best.

i'm not saying that the memories i made throughout those years were bad, there were just some things that made me sad for a while.

i am the type of person who gets really emotional when i remember something like childhood memories or old friends.
i've always thought that that side of me was bad, and i should probably stop crying about my old friendships.

but this was the year i learned that:
i am a human being and my emotions are valid therefore it is okay to cry. it'…